Editor's Desk - July/August 2006
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Bleacher Bummed

Thou shall not steal public fixtures

There's an episode of the sitcom My Name Is Earl, where the ever-conniving Joy, in desperate need of cash, convinces her husband to help her steal roadside guardrails and sell them for scrap metal. At the end of the show, karma—practically a main character in Earl—serves up some sweet poetic justice when Joy's car later careens into a ditch along the exact same stretch of road.

One can only wonder what karma has in store for the reallife crooks (and yes, they are crooks not vandals) who recently stole bleachers (not bases) from youth ball diamonds in Lorain, Ohio. A similar theft of bleacher seats and aluminum railings from West Oso High School caused the Texas school to temporarily shut down its stadium.

Adding to this standing-room-only epidemic, other aluminum bleachers have vanished from Kansas University as well as from parks in Yakima, Wash., which also lost faucets and underground wire. In addition, the Yakima thieves attempted to snatch an entire light pole. And on a ghoulish note, cemeteries in the town also have reported metal flower vases stolen from graves.

Apparently, authorities point to the meteoric rise in scrap-metal prices as the inspiration for such recycling robbers.

But surely karma will get especially creative with the thieves who looted some Honolulu loos, making off with $10,000's worth of brass toilet flush valves (at least 100) from restrooms at city parks.

In addition to the valves, valued at 100 bucks each, these bathroom bandits also reportedly swiped toilets, sinks and other items from 28 city parks on the North Shore and in central Oahu. This sad and curious crime truly urges the question: How low can you really go?

At least it should result in some clever cosmic retribution.

I shudder to think. Go get 'em, karma.


Jenny E. Beeh